The end of days is near, and God is calling his chosen ones home to be with him, while the rest of us are left to endure the Great Tribulation. Either that, or the Freemasons are cleaning house. How else to explain the death of TV pitchman Billy Mays, after all of this week’s other tragic losses?
Perhaps all those years of pitching products to better our lives at window-rattling volume just took too much out of him. If so, then we all owe Billy a debt of gratitude. How else would we have learned about OxiClean, or Orangeglo? There was no product so inconsequential that Billy felt that we didn’t need to hear about it, preferably at least once every commercial break. Together with Ron Popiel, Jerry Carrol and Earl “Madman” Muntz, Billy was one of the four horsemen of the Shopocalypse, as the Rev. Billy Wirtz likes to call it.
So a big kaboom to you, Billy. Here’s a clip of the young pitchman, before the world had truly recognized the greatness that was to come:
Tags: billy mays, celebrity, death
